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Monday, September 20, 2010

Excerpt from "Power of a Praying Parent" in my words.



Even those of us who aren’t worriers can agree that there are times when we struggle with thoughts about our children’s safety.  Stormie says “Often our most urgent and fervent prayers regarding our children are for their protection. It’s hard to think about other aspects of their lives if we are worried sick over their personal safety. How can we pray about future events when we’re concerned about them even having a future?” She goes on to say “Being a praying parent doesn’t mean that nothing bad will ever happen to your children or that they will never experience pain. They will, because pain is a part of life in this fallen world. But the Bible assures us that our prayers play a vital part in keeping trouble from them. And when a painful things does happen, they will be protected in the midst of it so it will be to their betterment and not their destruction.”  I know that I am a worry wart, always have been (ask my Dad).  I know I only want what's best for my boys.  I have to realize that I cannot protect them forever, and that I need to place them in God's hands and trust that he will when I can't.  I can pray for myself that God will direct me and show me the ways to be the best parent that I can be, to instill important value's and moral's. I want them to be Christ-like, to live with compassion, to strive to keep forgiveness and understanding in their hearts, to have hearts like a servant.  Some people would say that I may put too much thought into this, or that I try to put them in a bubble.  That may be their opinion, but I'm just trying to due my duty as being the Mother that God has intended me to be.
~ Prayer ~
Lord,
I lift (Wyatt and Clayton) up to You and ask that You would put a hedge of protection around them. Protect their spirit, body, mind, and emotions from any kind of evil or harm. I pray especially for protection from accidents, disease, injury, or any other physical, mental, or emotional abuse. I pray that they will make their refuge “in the shadow of Your wings” until “these calamities have passed by” (Psalm 57:1). Hide them from any kind of evil influences that would come against them. Keep them safe from any hidden dangers and let no weapon formed against them be able to prosper. Thank you, Lord, for Your many promises of protection. Help them to walk in Your ways and in obedience to Your will so that they never come out from under the umbrella of that protection.  Keep them safe in all they do and wherever they go. In Jesus’ name, I pray.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

It's the little things...

I'm sitting here late on a Saturday night going back and forth from my computer to the laundry room, and I suddenly think of something that I overly thankful for, that most take for granted, haha.  So here is a list of some little things that I am thankful for when more often than not I seem to complain.  They are in no particular order.

My husband-tonight I was craving some fruity candy and a Dr. Pepper (I RARELY drink soda).  And since I can't see well do drive at night (due to a WAY expired contact prescription) he offered to drive to the shoppette at 10:30pm to get them for me. I could go on for days on all of the things he does for me and our family, he is a great Daddy and a wonderful husband.  I consider myself blessed.

My washer and dryer-this may sounds really silly-when we moved to Colorado 2.5 years ago we left our washer and dryer in Washington knowing that the apartment we were moving to did not have hookups.  We hauled laundry back and forth quite a ways to the laundry room and payed $2.50 for each load we did for 2.5 years. Through the rain/snow/ice/heat, and late and night for me when Nathan was deployed.  So having my own washer and dryer in my house and only having to haul it from the upstairs to the down, is such a blessing.

My Mom-she is the most beautiful, compassionate, caring, loving woman that I have ever met.  She has done so much for me.  I mean she has always been there for me.  She's always praying for me and thinking about me. She always knows when I need a pep talk or a laugh.  She's never judged me, even when I've strayed.  She believes in me, even when I don't.  She knows me better than anyone will.  I only hope that I can live be to like her.  I only hope that once day I can repay her.  She is the type of person who would give you her last dollar, or the coat of her back if you needed it.  She is one of my hero's.  I love you Mama!

My boys-even on my darkest days they bring smiles to my face and a giggle in my throat.  I could not have asked God for a better gift then them.  I tend to be an emotional person, I get aggravated easily and I often have bad days, but no matter how much I may get frustrated with them, they make me smile.  It's all in the little things they do.  I could go on for days about them.  I love than more than I thought I could ever love another person. They are my sunshine!

My Dad-though we don't talk often, he ALWAYS knows when I need HIM to call.  We have this connection and everytime that I need that call from my Daddy my phone rings and he says, "You were on my heart tonight sweetheart and __________".  Always perfect timing.  Though we may often disagree on a variety of things, and we may not see eye to eye, he loves me and he'll never fail me.  He's been the backbone for our family, and he has nothing but my best interest at heart.  I only wish when I was younger that I would have taken him more seriously.  Yes, Dad, you were right!  I love you from the bottom of my heart!  <3

My Brother and Sister-for always being there for me.  For always forgiving me and understanding me.  I can't express how thankful I am to have such a close connection with you two, even still from so far away.  I love you both so much and I don't know what I'd do with out you in my life!

It's getting late, there are countless things I am thankful for, I really am a blessed woman!

Friday, September 10, 2010

Walk By Faith-I'm coming back to you!

Luke 6:35-38;42


But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." ... How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. 


My heart has been heavy over the last few weeks.  Knowing that I need a change in my life.  Knowing that I'm not satisfied with the ways I'd been living.  I need to live my life in the way that God has called me to live.  To live by grace, to live by forgiveness, to live by FAITH, to live by compassion.  

In the past I have judged, I have gossiped, I have lied, I have embellished the truth, I have done many things that I am not proud of.  Those things do not define me.  I have asked God's forgiveness and I have forgiven myself.  You can not say anything to me that will hurt me.  You have no hold over me.  I have forgiven you, for all of the slanderous things you have said to me, for all of the lies, for all of the gossip, for all of the assumptions.

It feels like a weight of 1,000 pounds has been lifted off of my shoulders.  I know who I am, I am a child of God.  I know what I feel in my heart.  I truly feel sorry for those you can't experience life in the way that God has intended for them.  I feel sorry for those that get so enthralled and wrapped up in gossip and trash talking.  But my life has been so peaceful since I have ridded it.

It's been a hard road, and it will continue to be a hard road.  It's not easy to live by faith.  But something has been missing from my life since I walked away from Christ over five years ago.  I'm finding myself more at peace, not as easily hurt by others.  Part of that is the guard I've place over my emotions, not allowing myself to get close enough to get hurt.  I won't lie, I'm a little bit afraid.  But God has a plan for me, a plan to prosper me, and I will have faith that he has only the best of plans for my life.  I will live for him, and pray for the strength to keep going, the strength to not give into the temptations of evil.

I will pray for my enemies, that they will see the light, that they will be able to find peace in their own lives.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Summer is winding down.

I have been so blessed this summer <3  My husband returned home from a year long tour in Afghanistan and our family has become whole again.  Aside from that his battle buddy, one of his best friends, and my sister’s boyfriend came home as well.  I was blessed to be able to spend the entire summer with my sister as she came down here to reconnect with her boyfriend.  I’d grown to love him as a brother, the boys became very attached to him, and we are happy to call him family.
Two days ago we sent my sister back to Washington as she’s gearing up for her second year of college.  It was a very emotional time.  My sister is one of my best friends, and after being apart for so long we were able to reconnect on a deeper level.  It was so hard to say goodbye.  Tears flowed from both of our eyes, knowing that the next time we would be able to see each other again is unknown.  That’s the joys of a military lifestyle, along with the economy.  You can’t just up and take vacation whenever you want.  I miss her terribly.  The boys are confused and sad.
Today we said goodbye to Kilby.  I had only just met him when they returned from Afghanistan.  Although my sister had already been able to spend R&R with him.  But over the short time of summer, I had grown to love him like a brother.  He truly is one of the best things that has ever happen to my sister.  We were blessed enough to be able to house them for several weeks while he was ETS’ing from the Army (for you civilians that means he was getting out).  I was able to keep composed enough to say my goodbyes, can’t say that Wyatt was able to do the same.  But I completely lost it after he closed the door and we watched him get in the car and pull away, surprisingly so.  I hadn’t expected to be filled with such emotion.
My family is my life.  They mean more to me than anything.  It’s been a really rough few years as we’ve raised our family 19 hours away from “home”.  I often find myself envious of those you have their families so close.  I long for that.  I’ve often found myself hating this military lifestyle for those said reasons.  We’ve toyed with idea’s of future Army Posts we’d like to be stationed at, but after this last week, I think we are going to follow through and request Fort Lewis after all.  It won’t be for a few years yet, and the move wouldn’t happen until some time in 2013, but I think that all in all it will be the best decision we can make for our family right now.  We will be only a few hours from our families.  It’s so hard to watch my son cry because he’s sad that his Auntie, Uncle, or Grandparent has to leave.  It’s as if they really have this awesome chance to get to know each other better, and bond closely and then it’s ripped away from them when they leave, or our time visiting is up.  It truly breaks my heart.  I remember growing up and going to all sorts of birthdays and family events and it saddens me that my boys miss out on those special memories.  At least if we are close to home we can visit often and vice versa, be home for all holidays, and multiple weekends a year.  We dreamed of traveling around with the Army, but deep in my heart I think that these years are some of the most important in our children’s lives, and I think that being near family would be the best decision in order to build a strong foundation for them.  Once they are older and fully understand, have built great relationships with their grandparents, aunts, and uncles, then I will feel more comfortable traveling farther away.
This life is no joke, I don’t take anything for granted anymore.  Hold those close to you tightly!  Appreciate the time you have and make it worthwhile

Wish I could turn back time.

I am not sure where to start.
After being in labor with my oldest son for 9 hours I felt that it was time. I remember calling for the nurse and telling her I felt a lot of pressure and I felt like I might need to push. The next thing I remember is hearing, “I feel two butt cheeks”, I instantly knew what that meant. A c section had NEVER been an option for me, ever! I remember then doing a sonagram to verify and then the hussle and bussle of getting me to the operating room. I was absolutely devastated. I sobbed and sobbed, hyperventilating! I just wanted to experience a birth the way it was supposed to happen. Why did I have to be robbed of that? It took months for me to try and move past that feeling of a failure. I’d failed myself, failed my son, and robbed my husband of the experience of coaching me through labor. We’d taken all the classed, we’d prepared for this, and then BOOM! You can never know how this feels unless you have been in that position. On top of that, I was in excruciating pain from the 9 hour labor, and then the major surgery, that I was unable to nurse my baby boy due to the pain. It was more than I could bare. Again, bottle feeding hadn’t been an option for me. We hadn’t prepared in the event I wouldn’t be able to nurse, I hadn’t even thought about that. We hadn’t bought any bottles or formula. Again, feeling like a failure. It stings, and is a very sensitive subject for me.
On to our youngest son. My husband had enlisted in the Army when our oldest was 2 months old, and we’d since moved from WA to CO. 19 hours away from our family and friends. I got pregnant, assuming I’d be able to do a VBAC. They were completely for it, but refused to induce me. I understand the “risks” of inducing after a c section, but I was a good candidate for it. We had one friend who was able to afford to travel here for a few days to keep our oldest while I had the baby, but needed to know when it would be. I BEGGED and PLEADED the doctor to induce me on the date they would schedule the c section instead. I did NOT want to have to have another one. I was put to sleep with our oldest and missed the entire thing, the thought of laying on that table awake terrified me, and rightfully so. So since our only other choice was to have my husband miss our chance of having a vaginal birth due to staying at home with our son, we elected to schedule a c section. I was completely let down, again the sting of feeling like a failure. I felt we had no other choice.
When I read comments like electing to have a c section, you should just not have children, hurts me to the core. It surfaces all of those raw emotions in me once again. The ones I worked so hard to bury.
I just hope and pray that when we are able to have baby #3, that I will be able to afford to get my prenatal care off post, and that I will be able to find a midwife to allow me to have a vaginal birth. I want to experience that amazing moment that I was robbed of. I also want to try my best to nurse, and to take advantage of the la leche coaches at the hospital. I really want to do things differently. On the other hand, I feel like my older boys were robbed. Will they feel like I love and care about baby #3′s well being more than I did them?
Just needed to get this out…

Friday, September 3, 2010

Hitting the Books!

One month from today and I will be a full time online student!  Yikes!!  I'm sitting here during my only "ME" time during the day thinking, "Am I CRAZY or something for thinking I could go back to school???".  I'm scared to death!!


I'll be going to Colorado Technical University, full time online, as I just can't afford to put the boys in daycare while I attend classes all day long, nor do I have the extra vehicle to do so.  =/  This whole idea of taking college courses online scares me to death.  Normally I am one who needs to hear the lecture in person, etc.  I've prepared myself to be fully dedicated.

My educational plan?  I'm going for my Associates of Science-Business Administration.  I will graduate on March 28th, 2012!!!  I will immediately go into my Bachelor's of Science-Business Administration with a concentration in Healthcare Management, once I graduate with that I'm going the extra 13 months and getting my Masters!  Yeah, go me!!  I'm gonna need my Master's in order to get a high enough position to pay for these godforsaken student loans!  =(  I just hope and pray that in the end it will all be worth it.

Needless to say, I am overwhelmed.  I am a stay at home mom which is the equivalent of 3 full time jobs, a housewife, a full time job on it's own, and NOW a full time student??  Lord be with me!!!  I'm gonna need it!

Pass me the Coffee!!