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Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Why I Love This Military Life

Let me tell you a little bit about my world and why I love it so much.  Why the thought of leaving it one day not only deeply saddens me but scares the livin' day lights out of me. 

My life is filled with uniforms and codes of ethic.  Acronyms and standards.  Rules and regulations.  Stress and tears.  Love and pride.  Pride that can't be explained with words.  Deployments, FTX's, TDY's, fun times and hardships.  Anxiety and fear.

I am awoken every morning by the bugle calls for reveile.  I go to sleep by the sounds of TAPS.  And when I hear the the bugles for retreat I know that my husband "should" be home soon for dinner-given that they aren't deployed, gearing for deployment, or on an FTX (lol).

I step out my front door at any given moment int he day and I am always surrounded by uniforms.  Uniforms worn by our nations unsung heroes.  Uniforms to which I owe my life and freedom to.  Unless you live this life, you haven't the slightest clue how security and pride can envelope and overwhelm a person.

I can step outside and see moving trucks.  Either families departing to a new duty station or new comers who have PCS'd here-to their new "home".

I can step outside and see children and parents hanging banners and signs.  Decorating their homes and cars.  I smile inside, knowing that little boy down the street is about to get his daddy back.

I can go to the Commissary, where I see many women-"single moms"-like myself toting several children while she gathers her families weekly groceries.  The pure look of stress in her eyes as she fights the urge to break down into tears.  I see the childless wife with a cart full of frozen dinners and junk food.  Because we all know how pointless it is to cook for one.  I see the retiree's with their spouses and I shoot them a smile.  I see those who have been inured during war, proudly walking in his new pair of legs.

The advantages of being a Military Spouse vs. a civilian one is that I am reminded EVERY SINGLE day (sometimes more than once) how important my husbands job is.  I am also reminded of how thankless it is.

Words cannot even begin to describe the overwhelming emotion and pride that paralizes you when you to to a welcome home ceremony.  Words cannot describe the fear a spouse has and the sounds of an unexpected knock at the door.

You see, the reality of becoming a widow in my twenties is far more real than for any of my civilian friends.  Sending your husband to fight a thankless war that many Americans fail to educate themselves on, not knowing if that is the last time that I will taste his kiss, is almost unbearable.  Will that be the last time I touch his face or feel his embrace?  Is that the last time I will stare into his eyes?  Is this the last time I will see him swoop his children up in a great big bear hug?

But I keep going.  I know have the job of two.  I am the only one now.  I am on my own, 20 hours from family.  I am my own backbone.

Many wonder how we do it.  Us spouses have to rely on each other.  Just as our guys become family with their battle buddies, our fellow Military Wives become each others family.  We UNDERSTAND more than ANY other person will, what each other is going thru.  Even if we don't walk it at the same times.  I would be lost without that hand to hold, helping offer, or shoulder to cry on.

After living the Army lifestyle and learning to love it, I don't EVER want to go back.  This is where I belong.  This is where I belong.  This is where I feel at home.  Because "home" is where the Army sends us.  "Home" is where my husbands plants his combat boots.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Religion & Politics

If there are two things I HATE discussing more than anything else, it's religion and politics. 

Some may argue it's because I don't know much about either.  Everyone can have their opinions.  I will be the first to admit that I don't know much about politics.  Honestly, I don't care to.  I have my opinions and I prefer to keep them to myself.

Religion, I know about Christianity.  I was raised in that religion.  I know my fair share of it.  Yet, people still feel the obligation to shove their religion (Christianity) down my throat.  Throw scriptures in my face as though I'm naive and uneducated in this area.

I'm getting to the point in my life where I honestly do not know what I believe anymore.  Because the Jesus I was once, did not treat people the way that Christians do these days.  The Jesus, *I* believed in did not "Bible Bash".  In fact, there was no Bible when he was walking the earth.  I'm so sick and tired of being made to feel "guilty" for not attending church or for the way I am raising my children.  I'm so tired of being looked down upon for decisions I have made in my life.  Or for the fact that my husband has different views and lots of doubts as well. 

Christians have this way of knowing everything about everytghing and making sure that everyone knows it and that we are all wrong for not following their ways, opinions, etc.

I really don't know what I am even trying to flippin' say at the moment.  My laptop is about to die for good and I just don't have the time to get my jumbled thoughts into a proper blog.  So yeah...

...I really don't know what I believe at this point.  I still pray, read a devotional, and teach my kids about the God I was raised to know.  But in my heart and mind I have many many questions and doubts. 

I'd love to take some world religion classes and learn about other religions more deeply.

At some point I will continue on with this mess of a blog and organize my thoughts to make better sense.

So go on....judge me like y'all always do in your hearts...