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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Frustrated and sad!

Well if you follow me on Facebook you know that I've been delving deep into researching breastfeeding (BF) and cloth diapering (CD'ing).

I fully intend to BF but it scares the living daylights out of me.  Why, you ask?  Because I don't handle pain well.  That's also a very sensitive to pain area for me.  Also, having the pain of nursing on top of a csection is why I failed in the hospital with Wyatt.  It was too much for me.  But I want to do it!  I want this baby to get all of the health benefits from it and I love the benefit of losing weight in the process (selfish of me).  Granted, neither of the boys have ever had ear infections or major health problems whatsoever, and they were both bottle fed.  I'm just scared of the pain, and how much pain there will be and how long until it goes away.  Also, how much of my day will be dedicated just to feedings.  I will have two other children to chase around and my husband will be deploying a few months later.  A good pump is super expensive and with our tight military budget I just don't know that it will be feasible on top of all our other baby necessities.   So here's my vent and fears.  Whether it be petty or not, I'm scared!

On the CD'ing issue....ugh, I'm just frustrated!  I know that in the long run it saves SO much money and is much better for the environment but the up front costs and the abundance of kinds/brands/choices out there are endless.  How do you know which one YOU will love and will work for you?  How much money do you have to invest before you find one that works for you and then to spend a few hundred dollars again to get more of the kind you finally feel work for you and your baby?  I know which kind of disposable diapers I like. I LOVE Kirkland diapers from Costco.  I mean, I can get 216 diapers for $39.99 and it lasts (depending on certain factors) close to 2 months.  My almost 2 year old is in size 4 and I get 186 diapers for the same price as above and it lasts me close to 3 months.  That less than HALF the cost of getting the compatible Huggies.  I love Huggies, but not the price tag that comes with them.  I LOVE Kirkland diapers.  They are super high quality and have all of the features I love of Huggies.  So needless to say I'm close to saying forget this whole CD'ing fascination and just stick to what I know.  All of this research is giving me a headache and my frustration is through the roof.  Not to mention I still can't convince my husband to participate in CD'ing with me.

UGH!  I don't know...  If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my rambling.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Happy 2011, New Beginnings!

As we embark on the new year of 2011, we have many things to be thankful for,  to look forward to, and to be nervous about.

Many of you know that we are in fact expecting our third baby.  It's most definitely been a rough pregnancy so far.  But in light of our unfortunate miscarriage before this, I will take all of this sickness and pain to bring this miracle into the world.  I've learned that you must never take anything for granted.  We are anxious to find out the gender of our precious bundle and of course crossing our fingers for pink!  We will find out on February 26th via 3D ultrasound.  Yes, we are THAT impatient this time around, haha.  We've decided on names for the baby as well, Bentley Michael and Bristol Raelynn.  We are thrilled about welcoming Baby "B" in to the world shortly after Wyatt's 4th birthday in August.

In just a few short months our "baby" will be turning TWO!  I really can't believe how fast the time has passed.  I remember it like yesterday being pregnant with CJ.  I remember the colic and wondering if he'd EVER grow out of it.  I remember wondering how in the world I was going to get through the deployment with an almost 2 year old and a newborn with severe colic.  But we made it and he's been a wonderful blessing in our lives.  Not to mention cute as EVER!  <3

This summer Wyatt will be turning 4 years old, SERIOUSLY!??  That same month he'll be starting preschool.  It just doesn't seem right.  I remember the nights when he was just born pacing the teeny tiny living room of out teeny tiny one bedroom house, wondering what the trick was to getting this tiny creature to sleep longer than 90 minutes at a time during the night.  He's definitely not so little anymore.  I watch in amazement at his wealth of spirit and life.  He's incredibly smart and quirky.  As hard as it is to watch them grow up, it's also rewarding as well to know I'm actually succeeding at this parent thing.

We have another big event to look forward to this summer!!  My best friend Sara will be moving back to Colorado after graduating from her LPN program (so proud!!) and we'll be welcoming her husband, Mike, home from his year long tour in Afghanistan as well.  We are ecstatic, especially Nate to have his buddy back!  We're so proud of you Spc. Poole and can't wait until you're home!

Nathan and I have also made some hard decisions about our future.  Hard as in it means we are going to be taking a "Leap of Faith", placing the trust of our family's future in God's hands.  We have decided that the best thing for our family will be to close the chapter of our lives that involves the Army.  So in fall of 2014 we will finally be ready to work on our future.  Our plans are to pack up and move back home to Washington.  We are unsure if Yakima is where our future will be held, but it's where we're going to start.  Nathan's going to be taking the Police/CSI program at YV Tech, and pursue a career as a police officer or something alike.  Thankfully he will have the GI Bill to cover his schooling.  He will also be able to attend YVCC if he chooses.  All the while the Army will provide us BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing) while he is in school full time.  This will be a wonderful blessing as we are unsure of how we will "make it" when we say goodbye to a guaranteed paycheck.  I will be attending YVCC/YV Tech to earn my Dental Assisting degree.  I look forward to the days when I can help contribute to my family.  It will be wonderful to have these opportunities and know that our children will be taken care of.  It is very scary however, moving back home with no jobs and no place to live.  I will have to immediately find a job of some sort.  I'm sure the GI Bill will not be something that happens immediately, as everything involving the military, it's a waiting game.  So getting back on our feet is very very scary.  Especially knowing it's close to $1200 to rent a 3 bedroom home back home. But we are placing this in God's hands, we know that he will take care of us.

We are just so ready to get some stability back in our lives.  Ready to be surrounded by family again.  We know that our family cares about us.  But often times we feel so alone over here.  We honestly feel that  we are "out of sight/out of mind".  Not by everyone of course as many have made extra efforts to make sure we don't feel that way.  But nonetheless the closeness we once felt as faded.  So we hope to be able to reestablish the closeness we once had with our family and friends.  This will be a refreshing new chapter and we are excited!

At some point this year (dates unknown as of yet) Nathan will be going down to Ft. Polk, LA for JRTC again (JRTC is predeployment training).  It's a month long training.  Yes, you heard me right, we are back in to training for deployment.  He will be leaving at some point within the first 3ish months of 2012 for another year long deployment to Afghanistan.  As many of you know, this last one was VERY hard on him and our family. So we could use as many prayers as you can spare.

Also, if anyone would like to plan to visit us after the baby is born I encourage you to!  If you are able to and would like to come meet our new bundle before SHE is much bigger we'd love to have you!  Right now we have a crib in our spare bedroom, but baby can sleep in our room while you visit.  We also have a very nice airmattress as well.  So we have the room and I know I'd love the extra help while recovering from surgery and caring for a newborn and two other little ones, lol.

Well, this has gotten pretty long and it's kind of scatter brained, but I hadn't blogged in quite some time so I felt the need to give a little update into our lives.

I hope you are incredibly blessed in 2011!