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Thursday, August 5, 2010

About to lose my mind...

I am a full time mommy and housewife. My duties are to take care of my children from dawn until dusk with no break, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I also cook, clean, do laundry, and maintain my home, again every single day with no relent. My boys wake up no later than 6 am every single day. So I rise, and fight to get the dog outside before he has an accident in my house, because the boys refuse to keep him in his crate until I let him out. I throw my unbrushed and unwashed hair into a pony tail, and make the boys their breakfast. Once I know that they are satisfied and eating, I begin my daily routine of chores, never ending, never with break...oh and a shower? What's that? What's a hair cut? Or even a girls day out?

You may think, "well that sounds like what I do every day, what's the big deal?" Let me tell you. With Fibromayalgia, I am in so much much pain every moment of my life. It's hard to move, hard to walk, hard to get out of bed, hard to do my chores, hard to lift my children. It causes excruciating pain. There is not one pain pill out there that eases the pain caused by Fribro. Every part of my body hurts, but I go about my day applying my poker face, pretending and wondering what it would be like to be normal. I don't think that anyone can ever understand what I go through on a daily basis. Why I am so exhausted, why I have troubles remembering things. Not to mention the fact that I am burnt out. I just finished being a single parent for a year during my husband's tour in Afghanistan, but I often daily feel as though I still am. I am the only one to wake up at 0600 with them, the only one to make their meals, take them outside to play, etc. My husband has to work 5 days a week on average with weekends off, I have no days off, I have no 4 days or 3 day weekends, I have no holidays off, I work every single day of my life with NO BREAK!!!! I just want a break, I am in physical pain, emotionally drained, and have no inspiration. I am tired, in every single meaning of the work.

I don't think my husband has the slightest clue what I go through, nor how straining it is on a daily basis to take care of our boys and our home. This morning I had a huge break down. I was really hoping that since he didn't have to report to work until 0930 that just MAYBE I might be able to have one day to sleep in, but nope! So up I get, fighting the dog again to go outside, then cleaning the piddle spots left by the dog because he wouldn't go outside and I had to pick him up, then on to my daily duties.

Some days I'd love to run away from my life. I often wonder what it's like for those parents who are healthy, who have help at their beck and call, who don't have a husband who's duty is to his country before his family. I can't tell you how DEEPLY it angers me when other's complain about such trivial things in life. Please, take one day and walk in my shoes, I can assure you that you will be ever so thankful for what you have.

Signed,
A Mommy and a Wife who's about to lose her mind...and who'd love nothing more than a break and a cure for Fibromyalgia!

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