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Sunday, November 14, 2010

Most embarrassing/humbling moment of my life.

Today had went grocery shopping to get us through until the end of the month.  With the holidays coming our budget is super duper tight.  I had a certain amount in cash.  That was the rest of the money we had until December 1st.  That was to get groceries and gas and hopefully have a little bit left to get  us by.  Well, let me explain to you my most embarrassing moment ever.  Please note that if you feel the need to bash me or our money handling, take it elsewhere, I don't care to hear it.  We live by a very strict budget.  If would be be beneficial for me to work, trust me I WOULD!  It's days like today where I hate myself for not being able to contribute to our families needs.

I cut a TON of coupons this morning and went to the grocery store.  With Thanksgiving coming up, and quite a stretch until the next payday I was trying to stock up.  Not only that, but our pantry and freezer are nearly bare.  So I had an over flowing cart full of groceries, buying as many generics as I possibly could.  Completely avoiding all sugars, ice creams, cookies, chips, etc.  Other than a couple of snack items for the boys, all I got were necessities.  Feeling confident that we would have enough to make it, I made my way to the register.

About 3/4 of the way through the items on the belt I noticed that I was about $75 over the amount of cash that I had, remember the cash I had was ALL I had to get groceries and gas and make it through to the end of the month.  So I had to stop the checker and tell her my dilemma as I started picking through all of my already bagged up groceries, holding back tears as I set item after item back for her to take off.  Then I handed her all of my coupons bring me to a balance of $0.50 under the amount of cash I had.  Leaving important items such as toilet paper and diapers behind.  I probably apologized a dozen times before I humbly made my way out to the car.

Once I got home and I had to explain to my husband that our 3 rolls of toilet paper will have to last us the better part of 2.5 weeks, and that I was sorry I didn't have much for us to eat for lunches this time.  I started bawling my eyes out.  If only I could afford to have a job, we wouldn't be in this situation.  I often hear, "well can't you get on food stamps?"  Umm, NO, in fact, we can't get on them.  I stress about grocery shopping every payday, but we typically make it just fine but this time was terrible.  I have NEVER had to put back more than one or two items, not half a cart full.  Boy did I misjudge?  I can't even describe the level of embarrassment I felt today.

Please note, this is MY blog.  This is my place to vent and whine.  My place to let my emotions run free and express my anger.  If you choose to judge me, that's your business, but I don't want to hear it.  I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays.  It just seems that I get buried and I can't come up for a breath until after our tax refund shows up.  Then I can stock the pantry up, pay all of the bills that I've had to put off, etc.  So here's to hoping that February will show up fast.  Maybe this time I will be able to finally fill my savings account to keep this from happening next year.  Where there is a will there's a way.  I'm just so sick of scavenging around my house trying to find things I can sell for items like milk, diapers, and toilet paper or even for gas so that my husband can get to and from work.  God will provide...right?

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