Frustrated and sad!

Well if you follow me on Facebook you know that I've been delving deep into researching breastfeeding (BF) and cloth diapering (CD'ing).

I fully intend to BF but it scares the living daylights out of me.  Why, you ask?  Because I don't handle pain well.  That's also a very sensitive to pain area for me.  Also, having the pain of nursing on top of a csection is why I failed in the hospital with Wyatt.  It was too much for me.  But I want to do it!  I want this baby to get all of the health benefits from it and I love the benefit of losing weight in the process (selfish of me).  Granted, neither of the boys have ever had ear infections or major health problems whatsoever, and they were both bottle fed.  I'm just scared of the pain, and how much pain there will be and how long until it goes away.  Also, how much of my day will be dedicated just to feedings.  I will have two other children to chase around and my husband will be deploying a few months later.  A good pump is super expensive and with our tight military budget I just don't know that it will be feasible on top of all our other baby necessities.   So here's my vent and fears.  Whether it be petty or not, I'm scared!

On the CD'ing issue....ugh, I'm just frustrated!  I know that in the long run it saves SO much money and is much better for the environment but the up front costs and the abundance of kinds/brands/choices out there are endless.  How do you know which one YOU will love and will work for you?  How much money do you have to invest before you find one that works for you and then to spend a few hundred dollars again to get more of the kind you finally feel work for you and your baby?  I know which kind of disposable diapers I like. I LOVE Kirkland diapers from Costco.  I mean, I can get 216 diapers for $39.99 and it lasts (depending on certain factors) close to 2 months.  My almost 2 year old is in size 4 and I get 186 diapers for the same price as above and it lasts me close to 3 months.  That less than HALF the cost of getting the compatible Huggies.  I love Huggies, but not the price tag that comes with them.  I LOVE Kirkland diapers.  They are super high quality and have all of the features I love of Huggies.  So needless to say I'm close to saying forget this whole CD'ing fascination and just stick to what I know.  All of this research is giving me a headache and my frustration is through the roof.  Not to mention I still can't convince my husband to participate in CD'ing with me.

UGH!  I don't know...  If you've made it this far, thanks for reading my rambling.