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Monday, January 16, 2012

Change of Seasons

The Army life is like a constant changing of the seasons.  Nothing stays the same for long.  People walk in and out of your life, but one thing remains the same.  As the spouse of a Soldier...you're often times alone.  Or so the case has been for me.

If it weren't for the Army I would have never met my dearest best friend in the world.  But as fate would have it, the Army took her away from me.  Sending her to follow her husband to a new duty station, in a new state.  I miss her more than I could ever explain.

I've met some great friends throughout the four years we've been here at Fort Carson.  But as you would assume, some have PCS'd, ETS'd, or the friendship in itself just dissolved.

As we are gearing up to start our second deployment, I'm finding myself in this funk....again...
I remember how hard it was last time.  How alone I often felt.  How I felt suffocated and trapped.

I am bound and determined to not let it end up the same this go around.  But not having a group of friends here makes that difficult.  I firmly believe that no matter what walk of life you are from or living...everyone needs to have a support system around them.  People to vent to, to cry to, to laugh with, to escape with, etc.

I'm really not sure where I am going with this.  Just have this urge to purge some of these disgusting emotions that have been eating me inside lately.  It's a way for me to cope with the wide range of emotions.  I'm just kind of all over the board here.

I have a list of "deployment goals", I have a couple trips planned out, I have things to look forward to (like sending my first born off to Kindergarten), etc.  I only pray that this will help pass the time and ease the empty feeling in my soul while my husband is serving overseas.  I also pray that God will place a few positive and genuine people in my life.

I will come out on top.  I will not feel sorry for myself.  I will stay positive.  I will keep pushing forward with a smile on my face.  I've done this before, I can do it again....and BETTER!

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